HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, it is I, Henry Zebrowski, here within the void. Oh! Oh! Is this mysterious?
MARCUS PARKS
It would be mysterious if the listeners could see you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh! I'm in the same exact studio where they filmed the moon landing.
MARCUS PARKS
That's right, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Apparently they filmed the moon landing in Atlanta where Henry Zebrowski is recording from right now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left. I'm Marcus Parks here with Ed Larson in Los Angeles where nothing fake is ever filmed.
ED LARSON
Oh my god, except for the boobies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Except for the boobies and some of the butts. It is kind of funny if you see in the video version, I'm wearing a black shirt too. So I sort of look like, do you remember Mummenschanz?
MARCUS PARKS
No, I don't know what Mummenschanz..
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Remember Mummenschanz?
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
From the 1970s where they would do like puppet things on real television, where they would do a lot of like... I just look like oh! I feel like I'm in Hausu.
ED LARSON
Yeah. I know what you're talking about. I didn't know it had a name though.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You never, you don't know Mummenschanz? Well I don't want to fucking know you anymore. I can't believe you.
MARCUS PARKS
You can't just describe things by going oh!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh!
MARCUS PARKS
It's not evocative.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If you knew Mummenschanz, if the audience knows Mummenschanz, then they know what I'm doing. It's disembodied head and hands.
ED LARSON
It reminds me of Labyrinth, the guys whose heads would go up and down and they started playing basketball with them and shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that's fun.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's fun.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this week we got a true crime round up for everyone.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Woo!
ED LARSON
Woo! Bang bang bang bang bang!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know we have been prepping you guys for doing a huge series and we are just about to do two massive series and we actually just got off a call where we have planned out the next year of gut busting content for you pieces of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right. But right now I'm here, man. I'm working on a pilot.
ED LARSON
Don't talk to them like that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You fucking pieces of shit. And I'm here-
ED LARSON
That's Henry speaking. I like you.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm breaking my back on a pilot presentation right now where I have to fake playing soccer.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Oh, how's that going?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I am sore.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I got hit with the ball yesterday.
ED LARSON
How many times?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Once.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Well you're a goalie, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
You're not even doing the hardest-
ED LARSON
You're supposed to get hit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I asked them after I got hit once to please be careful with me. Because we're playing against, it's a bunch of actors playing against a real soccer team. And so the guy uncorked on me before we knew and it just hit me right in the chest. Also I'm wearing like full body armor underneath my goalie uniform. And then another goalie came in and he wasn't wearing any of that. And I was like I don't understand because I have like knee guards on, I got hip guards on, I got a chest plate that I'm wearing.
ED LARSON
You're precious.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I am. I can't be hurt.
ED LARSON
Just remember every time they kick, you say the words 'not in the face'.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not in the face! Not the face! But it's been a lot of fun, we're having a good time. It's me, Rory Scovel, and Dave Willis and we're enjoying ourselves here.
ED LARSON
That's awesome.
MARCUS PARKS
That sounds wonderful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. But you know who's also a little fucking bitch is that Jennifer Crumbley.
ED LARSON
Yeah?
MARCUS PARKS
Jennifer Crumbley is, this is one hell of a story. I'm not sure if you've been following this one but there was a school shooting in Michigan in 2021. This kid killed four people and he killed them with a gun, a handgun that had been gifted to him by his parents.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Oh like Dylann Roof.
MARCUS PARKS
Somewhat, yeah. And he had of course been, he was taken alive and he was charged, found guilty, life in prison without possibility of parole. But for the first time they also charged the mother.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the father.
MARCUS PARKS
And the father. The mother has been tried, the father's trial is coming up, with involuntary manslaughter because they were the ones who gave the kid the gun despite seeing many signs that he was mentally unstable. And she has been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter.
ED LARSON
Good!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now this is huge though because I understand as a parent of two willful dogs, it's hard to be held responsible for the actions of a chihuahua. Right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like Carmy, Carmy's aggressive. But Carmy also at the same time is loving. I know her. I know Carmy and I want the world to know Carmy, you know what I mean? But if Carmy kept sending me letters from the groomer that said stuff like I think of blood, I dream of death, all I wanna do is kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. First of all, kind of cute she's learned to write. Second of all, it's like you would want to do something. And in this case, what we're seeing is kind of like the reason why it's unprecedented is because who wants to be held responsible for the actions of others? Because no one's really technically responsible for anybody else's life, that's not how it fucking works. But like this idea of like it was so over the line how much Ethan Crumbley was asking them for help. Like other kids, like we've seen other kid school shooters, it seems a lot of times it's like yes, there is some planning but a lot of it is pretty in the moment and it's a hidden thing. It's like they're not telling people. Meanwhile Ethan Crumbley like showed his mom his journal, saying I want help. He texted her again and again and again and again saying I'm seeing demons, I'm seeing visions, I'm seeing this shit. He's telling his teachers like I wanna kill. And no one is... And they're telling them. But even though Jennifer Crumbley says that she never heard from the school.
MARCUS PARKS
Well he got searching online for bullets at school. He would watch shooting videos in class and he would draw violent images. The school knew something was up and they were contacting her, of course they were contacting her.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And her saying her defense of him telling her that like I see demons, blah, blah, blah. They said it was a cute inside joke amongst the family that the house was haunted.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Well it doesn't matter.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It doesn't matter.
ED LARSON
How old was he when he did the deed?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was 15.
MARCUS PARKS
15
ED LARSON
Yeah, no, this is the end. Lock her up, lock him up, and now that they have done this and she is guilty, they need to go after fucking Dylann Roof's stepdad.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
This is an actual way to start stopping this shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, to really go after the parents who give them the guns?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you need a chain of evidence, you need to have the backup to put it through a trial. So the one thing that this case has that no other case has really had up to this point is fucking it's all in writing.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And like you're looking at Jennifer Crumbley who... Like the way the prosecution set it up was essentially she was too busy getting railed in order to watch after her son. She described herself as a helicopter parent. But then all of a sudden she's talking about how like she's gotta go visit her horses three times a week. The horses got more one on one time with Jennifer Crumbley than her murderous son.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then she had an affair going on with some other guy who looked like, I mean she looks like Elmer Fudd but this other guy looks like a guy that would fuck Elmer Fudd.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah. Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But then she was on AdultFriendFinder setting up all these like trysts and doing all this. She had a lot of energy for her cooch but she didn't have a heck of a lot of energy for her son.
MARCUS PARKS
Man, so she, people are actually on AdultFriendFinder?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, buddy.
ED LARSON
I guess so.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is real.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow. I always thought that was scam.
ED LARSON
I'm sure half of it is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel like them saying that there are definitely local MILFs trying to fuck you tonight...
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know.
ED LARSON
People get divorced.
MARCUS PARKS
That is true. There are definitely horny singles in my area technically.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There are.
MARCUS PARKS
I didn't think they would be on AdultFriendFinder.
ED LARSON
Man, that's so crazy she calls herself a helicopter parent.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't believe that you would do that on this fucking show.
MARCUS PARKS
Here in Los Angeles, of all places.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The land of Kobe. You would ever say something like that.
ED LARSON
I'm in Atlanta, my name's Henry Zebrowski.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. No! It's really fucked because I mean at least she wasn't on ChildFriendFinder because that's really disgusting and they should get rid of that app. But the AdultFriendFinder stuff is very, it just shows that her head was not in the game.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But in the end, her defense attorney was one of the single worst attorneys I have ever seen. I watched hours of the trial.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She quoted, her first line was quoting Taylor Swift. She then came in and she openly would weep. She pretended to gag when they showed footage of the shooting. She openly wept in trial which is like... They instruct their clients to show no emotion.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that's why they pump you full of Xanax and Valium.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Man, that's gotta be fun.
ED LARSON
I would definitely be all xannied up for a trial.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, buddy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Xanny the Nanny would be all over me.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I would definitely be... But I also feel it's hard because then you look at, you remember the documentary, I believe it was about Adam Lanza's mom. Where you have the other side, where they really don't know what the fuck to do when they got a kid that's like, I hate to use the term born bad-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But a kid that's coming out of the fucking oven with some misfiring wires.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then what do you do then? Like can you control the every single day actions of a child? They're still like an adult, they're still an autonomous human being.
MARCUS PARKS
You can control how many guns you keep in your house.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that's the thing.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that's a big question. That's all like what can we do? It's like maybe make it so a 15 year old can't easily shoot a bunch of people with a semiautomatic gun.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And didn't Lanza kill his mom?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. He killed her first.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He killed her first and then went out to Sandy Hook.
ED LARSON
That should have been enough warning for this bitch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well no, no-
ED LARSON
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call her that. I'm just mad about the situation.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I think that it was from the perspective of another woman writing about a kid with these types of emotional issues. But this is a woman that was working her ass off trying to help him. Meanwhile Ethan Crumbley was begging for help to everyone that would listen to him. And because again, that's what a parent's supposed to do. A parent's supposed to come in and not be your friend. In my mind, I don't know. They're supposed to. And sometimes it'd be cool if you could like bum a cigarette or drink a beer with your dad or whatever. But I also think that at the same time, I don't know. I never got to do that with my father. My father had a problem with alcohol.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, no, you shouldn't be... If your kid is begging for help, you shouldn't be meeting a guy named Brian Meloche in the Costco parking lot to fuck him during daylight hours.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Think about that. Think about that's where the affair was happening.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Six months meeting up in the Costco parking lot to fuck in the car.
ED LARSON
Man, that guy must have had a big dick. Because at Costco everything is much larger.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very funny.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. You get hungry after sex, you fuck, you go inside, you get a hot dog.
ED LARSON
Yeah, 10 lbs of peanut butter. There you go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Every single time I go to get the good discount lamb from the Costco, I get hard just thinking about it with the Pavlov dog-like memory of me cumming each time I'm at Costco.
ED LARSON
Yeah, I'mma go get Kirklanded. I'll be back soon, son.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. All right well that's one horrible story of the week.
ED LARSON
How long is she looking at? Because obviously they didn't sentence her yet, they just...
MARCUS PARKS
It would be counts of involuntary manslaughter. I'm not exactly sure.
ED LARSON
It's gotta be at least five years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's getting one for each victim.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's getting one for each of the four people that died in the shooting. She is getting each one. She's getting it.
ED LARSON
Great new precedent. I totally believe in this.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I believe in this as well.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Keep fucking guns out of children's hands.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. If you have a mentally-
ED LARSON
It's that easy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Just keep guns out of kids' hands. And if you put a gun in a kid's hand and he kills someone, you're held responsible.
ED LARSON
Yes!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
My question is though, I do understand there are some families that like to hunt animals and have that kind of stuff. I don't know.
ED LARSON
Well you get a lock for your gun closet.
MARCUS PARKS
But that's the thing is like-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's a part of what the prosecution was saying is that the guns were not properly kept obviously.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The father was like I put that gun location at a new place each day. One time it was in the freezer next to the ice cream, the other day it was next to the WiFi router and the other day-
ED LARSON
I can't remember.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where the hell was it? Oh it was in Ethan's hands. A lot of times I keep it in his bed.
MARCUS PARKS
No, I come from a hunting family and there were guns around all the time.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But that's the thing is that if your kid starts acting twitchy, put the guns away.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Give the guns to your friend, Bill.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Just give your guns to your friend. Like hey, why don't you hold on to the guns for a while? Brian's acting a little twitchy.
ED LARSON
Yes. Marcus would be happy to do it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Were you not twitchy?
MARCUS PARKS
Not that twitchy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So the guns were never a thought of being taken away from you at any point. No one ever looked at you-
ED LARSON
He was too busy chewing on dirt.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah but you're digging dirt, you're writing poetry, you're talking about noise rock.
MARCUS PARKS
No, I certainly didn't hold onto a gun for a very long time one deep, dark night.
ED LARSON
Hell yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jesus Christ.
MARCUS PARKS
In high school. Who didn't? Who didn't do that? You guys all did that. I mean it was more of a dramatic thing for myself than it was for anything else. But it was dramatic effect.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
My father honestly was very good with his gun.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He did. And I was largely scared of it as a kid.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
As you should be.
MARCUS PARKS
What's funny though is that that gun was just, like that gun that night was when I was away from home while working construction, like doing Journeyman Construction for a summer before my senior year in high school. And I don't remember where the gun came from. The gun was like just in the house where I was staying at the time. It was just a free floating gun. There are so many guns in this country.
ED LARSON
Lock them up!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
There's just so many guns.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's like the bible in a hotel room in Texas where they're just being like (Southern accent) now you can use that gun but now we're gonna charge the room if you don't come back with it.
MARCUS PARKS
No, it was a house I was renting with two other dudes and there was just a gun there.
ED LARSON
Yeah. There was a bible and there was a gun-shaped hole in it.
MARCUS PARKS
But nah, the guns were always just out and about.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
There was a gun room but I wouldn't call it a gun safe. It was just the gun room where there were many, many guns.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But they were hunting guns, they were like shotguns, rifles, stuff like that.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But no like, I mean this is in the days before AR-15, this is the 90s.
ED LARSON
Yeah, exactly. They actually had a purpose.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I could have done some damage but not that much damage.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
At least you didn't have a bullet library.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because I feel like that's how you know if it's bad. I feel like it's not so much the guns as it's the bullets.
ED LARSON
Also where you were, there were like no people.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
There's like no one to kill.
MARCUS PARKS
If I wanted to I could have had a day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You could have killed a bunch of people.
MARCUS PARKS
Because remember we were in high school during Columbine.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I was at Student Council during Columbine. That shit was crazy.
MARCUS PARKS
How did being in student council affect the Columbine experience?
ED LARSON
Well they like took student council aside the day after Columbine, they like sat us down with a bunch of counselors and like you're the leaders of the school, you need to find out like if anyone's acting funny. And then like some kid, I remember some kid no one knew, a weird drifter type kid, he wore a long trench coat the next day and he stood up on a table during the cafeteria and he said trench coat mafia, motherfucker, or something like that.
MARCUS PARKS
Jesus.
ED LARSON
And then a bunch of the black kids kicked his ass.
MARCUS PARKS
Gotcha.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's called a self correcting ecosystem. And that's what you need to do. That's what each community needs. Well I remember I was in a play and our play was canceled because it had a bomb in it. And then we got to be on morning television talking about our first amendment rights. Because I remember being there and being with my beret, literally I wore my beret because I was the president. That was before I was president but I was starting doing my affectation period and I remember being there and just being like it is not fair that you would not allow us freedom of expression. It was just like it's just a stupid play that had a bomb in it. I don't know why it was canceled.
ED LARSON
Yeah, it's not like you wrote it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was like Neil Simon or something.
MARCUS PARKS
It barely registered in Rochester, Texas.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like I remember it happening and I was like wow, that's weird. And then just day went on.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not good.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Oklahoma City, that was our big one.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Oklahoma City bombing, that was our, yeah, because we weren't too far from Oklahoma. So that was our big one.
ED LARSON
I remember that was the last time I ever talked to my grandmother.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Was she in the building?
ED LARSON
No. I was randomly home sick from school or something the day of Oklahoma City and she called and I picked up and we had a nice long conversation. It was like the last, truly one of the only conversations I remember with her.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So you connect the Oklahoma City bombing with your favorite conversation with your grandmother. You're like hey, it's right, Nanu.
ED LARSON
Babu, Babu.
MARCUS PARKS
Babu, of course. Babu. Nanu had some really controversial opinions about Waco, that's different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. It's different, yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Baba was a satanist I believe.
MARCUS PARKS
Do you know that? Or was that just-
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, she was into witchcraft and shit like that. But I didn't learn too much.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah because she was out of my life by the time I was 10 so my memories are a little hazy.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's cool.
ED LARSON
She was a fucker. But she wasn't my real grandmother, she was the woman my grandfather married.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
ED LARSON
Baba. What a bitch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right, let's get into this. I wanna talk about this pastor. You got this roll up on this show, I wanna get into this story.
MARCUS PARKS
I love this story so much. A Colorado pastor who is charged with stealing more than $1 million from his Christian community in a cryptocurrency scheme has admitted to the fraud but argued that god instructed him to carry it out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's not wrong.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course god wants crypto. Something else you can't see or feel.
MARCUS PARKS
Just have faith that it will be worth something. If we believe that it has worth, then it will be worth something.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's transubstantiation. It works. But we did an interview with Paul Hynek, that is J. Allen Hynek's son. And he was all about this concept that if aliens existed, they definitely use crypto. And he was working on this alien-based crypto for a long time and it has just as much water as this guy's fucking Christian crypto.
MARCUS PARKS
Eli Regalado and his wife Kaitlyn are charged with creating and selling their cryptocurrency known as INDXcoin, that's INDX in all caps, coin, to Christians based in their hometown of Denver, allegedly telling would be investors that the lord had told him people would become rich if they invested.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You got to believe!
MARCUS PARKS
There's something about putting an X in the middle of a name without any vowels around it. It's like NXIVM.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
All the INDX. Like if there's a big X in there, beware.
ED LARSON
Stay away.
MARCUS PARKS
Stay away.
ED LARSON
It's like something is tell you.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's just like Twitter becoming X.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's like stay away.
ED LARSON
Exactly. The state flag of Alabama, big X.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bye! Go away, it's poison.
MARCUS PARKS
Stay away from the Xs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, this is that idea of like you had the opportunity to do the, you know how like on top of Jesus it had the 'I'm Nailed Right In' initials? The INRI? Yeah, yeah, INRI.
ED LARSON
I'm Nailed Right In. I never thought of it like that, that's great.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow, I'm Nailed Right In. I never thought about that.
ED LARSON
Yeah, that's nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's a joke. That's just an old joke.
ED LARSON
I never heard a joke before.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I've never heard that joke.
ED LARSON
Did you write it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, I don't think so. I'm pretty certain that I read that from some dirty joke book back in the day. But INRIcoin would have been huge.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, INRI coin would have been great. No, INDXcoin. INDXcoin was, by the way, practically worthless in reality, prosecutors said in the statement. Investors lost millions of dollars while the Regalados used their investments for lavish living. In a video statement about the charges, Eli admitted that the couple had squandered $1.3 million that was raised through cryptocurrency. Here's a quote from a video. "The charges are that me and Kaitlyn pocketed $1.3 million. I just wanted to come out and say those charges are true."
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's fucking awesome. That's just like... I love that.
ED LARSON
I can't tell a lie.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I physically can't.
MARCUS PARKS
He doubled down so hard. He said a few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel that the lord told us to do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man.
MARCUS PARKS
He said we took god at his word and sold a cryptocurrency with no clear exit. But he still believes that god will quote "work a miracle" in the financial sector.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Well god loves carpenters, we know this.
MARCUS PARKS
Give the carpenters work.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe god doesn't understand what a blockchain is as well. Maybe god decided like (deep voice) crypto sounds like a thing that we could put some disposable income in. Let's just see if it rises in worth. And then as soon as it happens, he's like oh I always should have known crypto is fake.
ED LARSON
Is that god speaking?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, yes.
ED LARSON
Oh, see I always figured (high pitched voice) god would talk like this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(high pitched voice) Hey, hi. Hey everybody. Hey, it's me, hi. Hey, sent my son down nailed to a stick. Bye bye! Oh I killed him again. Thank you for killing my son!
MARCUS PARKS
So you imagine god to sound vaguely like Prince.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Which makes a lot of sense.
ED LARSON
He's a prince.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Very much so.
ED LARSON
He was a Jehovah's Witness.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And tiny. So god is a tiny Jehovah's Witness from Minnesota.
ED LARSON
But very powerful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So this is what I find interesting is that they raised though, they did make 3.2 million. So they left some. That's kind of nice.
ED LARSON
They could give it back.
MARCUS PARKS
They could give it back.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no, no, no. You're excommunicated just even for fucking thinking that.
MARCUS PARKS
But what's incredible is that they got $3.2 million from just 300 people.
ED LARSON
Whoa.
MARCUS PARKS
Like these people had some rich fucks on the line.
ED LARSON
I mean if you're stealing from rich people, I don't really care.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
If I can be honest.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well who knows? Or it's the idea that it's kind of sometimes you wonder, are they rich or are they just giving them everything that they have?
MARCUS PARKS
That's usually the case.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
You'll find again and again, when you get that sort of thing, it's usually people betting their entire life savings on this.
ED LARSON
Man, and like people to the church especially, like people will just give every cent they have to the church thinking it's... First of all they feel guilty, they put so much guilt on them to not give to the church.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
My mom was like this, she would like borrow money from me and then give it to the church and it would make me fucking insane.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
So people do this all over the country and it's just like because they believe the more they give, the more chance they have of going to heaven.
MARCUS PARKS
And these are like all of these small online churches.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This is one of those that have been popping up especially after COVID. So many of them popped up, Twin Flames is like a pretty big example of it. But this is just called the Victorious Grace Church. There's no physical location for it, it's an online only church and it's just these two people in front of fucking... In a Zoom.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They really... God, that's so smart!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, no overhead.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We gotta do this!
ED LARSON
Don't even need rent, pay rent anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
Nothing, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's so smart, man. We need to return to church. What will these churches do? The entire church real estate market's gonna collapse unless we start forcing these pastors to return to the pulpit.
MARCUS PARKS
$1.3 million out of that $3.2 million was used for personal luxury purchases including jewelry, a pricey home renovation project which I mentioned before, and an au pair.
ED LARSON
Oh really?
MARCUS PARKS
An au pair? Is it au pair?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Au pair.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, an au pair. They hired an au pair.
ED LARSON
So to take care of their children I guess?
MARCUS PARKS
To take care of their children, yeah.
ED LARSON
And to fuck him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that's why they're called an au pair.
MARCUS PARKS
And additionally they had no experience with cryptocurrency.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course!
MARCUS PARKS
A third party auditor also said the INDXcoin code had significant technical problems, whatever the fuck that means.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
But the Regalados continue to market the cryptocurrency as a low risk, high reward option. Eli had claimed to investigators that an amount of the raised money would be used to help widows and orphans. But those purported payments were also personally spent by the Regalados.
ED LARSON
Ah come on, at least help the widows and the orphans.
MARCUS PARKS
Nah. Nah, why?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
Why? Why?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You mean suckers and losers?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
No. He needs a breakfast nook.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Those widows, you know where they are? AdultFriendFinder.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly. If you wanna find a recently widowed woman who is gonna slop that fucking dick, man...
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And INDXcoin, and they also had their own exchange where INDXcoin was exclusively available, the Kingdom Wealth Exchange. Actually I want to see if the Kingdom Wealth Exchange is their own personal exchange or maybe that's an exchange that is exclusively Christian-based cryptocurrency.
ED LARSON
Oh my god, that would be amazing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was on indxcoin.com is still out, it's still there. You just found the perfect utility coin designed with your future in mind. It's your digital past to a vibrant community and exclusive content designed to help you create wealth, discover your purpose, and build the life you long for. What I find interesting is that none of the... On the website, it has no Christian iconography.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is literally, it is very blank. So this is like they kind of tried to maybe get secular people involved as well. So maybe that was some of these people that was in there. And there's also something about the font and you could tell that it's Christian. You know what I mean?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It doesn't have a lot of style and taste.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
It just looks like bible font.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also like how do these guys get these haircuts where it's just all the hair is on the very, very tip of their skull?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh like right here?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do you see him? Like look at his hair. If you look on the Kingdom Wealth Exchange Facebook page, this guy, how do you get that little poof? I think that's fake. I think that's can hair.
ED LARSON
You think so?
MARCUS PARKS
You think it's spraying on?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Like that looks like a little tuft.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The tuft is hard. Ah yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You remember Ziggy?
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, yeah. That's fake.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
It could be a front wig.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It could be a lace front.
ED LARSON
Staple gunned in there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it could be a front wig. Although I will speak for our fellow peanut-headed men out there, it's tough with the hair sometimes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
It's really tough having a peanut head and finding a good hairstyle for you.
ED LARSON
It's emotional.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think you're a peanut head.
MARCUS PARKS
I feel like I'm a pretty solid peanut head.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What do you mean? What do you mean by a peanut head? You mean like long, like cylindrical or...
MARCUS PARKS
It's small and somewhat long.
ED LARSON
Yeah and it dips in the middle.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
So there's like a top and a bottom to it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
You see, it's like a peanut.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't see you as a peanut head. I think you have a smallish head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But so do I.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
you have a tiny head for sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I definitely have a tiny head.
ED LARSON
Which isn't a bad thing.
MARCUS PARKS
It's not a bad thing now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I mean when I had long hair, I couldn't keep a hat on.
MARCUS PARKS
But that was the reason why I used to have long hair is because the long hair made my hair look larger.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fluffed it out.
MARCUS PARKS
It fluffed it out. But now that I'm thinning, I had to let go of the long hair fantasy.
ED LARSON
I got a big head but my neck is big.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude, comb it to the side. Comb it to the side. Eddie's the only man I've ever met that I have to go to the Big & Tall store to get him a fucking hat. Like he can wear a man's clothes, like you can buy a normal man's clothes but you have to buy him a water buffalo's hat.
ED LARSON
Yeah. That's why I like the ones with the snapbacks because they really like glue to my head and then it won't fly off.
MARCUS PARKS
It's nice, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a fucking massive head.
ED LARSON
Yeah, thank you.
MARCUS PARKS
It's so big.
ED LARSON
Yeah, man. But like I said, the neck, that's the real honey.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that's your problem there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that was for football. That's what made you good at football.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Yeah, my father used to strap weight, he had this strap that would go to my head and there was a chain to the strap and he put weights in the chain and he would make me lift my head up and down. And so my neck just stayed huge my whole life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's awesome.
MARCUS PARKS
Incredible.
ED LARSON
I would say the opposite.
MARCUS PARKS
No, I mean incredible in the true sense of the word. It is not credible. It is incredible. Nothing credible about it.
ED LARSON
Yeah, 21 inch neck.
MARCUS PARKS
Jesus Christ.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Damn, dude. Like what do we got? We gotta get you some custom shirts.
ED LARSON
If I wanna wear a tie, I have to have a custom shirt. Yeah. Or I go to the Big & Tall store and then I have to just wear a giant shirt because that's the only one that has a neck big enough for me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Destination XL is nice and they kind of flirt with you.
ED LARSON
Please! Let's go.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh and by the way, the financial accounts of the pastor and his wife have officially been frozen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
So they are out on the street right now.
ED LARSON
Down with pastors, up with al pastor.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, I love an al pastor. Oh, sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com. What's your favorite al pastor in Los Angeles? Because I've been looking for something, I need a hookup, man. I need something new.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Sure. We got a bit of an update to one of the most horrifying stories I think we've ever covered on a true crime roundup. Henry, do you remember the story of the decapitated baby?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay. There's a story that we covered last year in which a woman was giving birth and the doctor somehow after being too forceful trying to pull the baby out, decapitated the baby in the middle of the birth.
ED LARSON
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
ED LARSON
He must have been using salad sporks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it was the crampons. You know what was difficult-
ED LARSON
God, I feel evil. I gotta go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is your life.
ED LARSON
This is just too much for me. I'm trying to joke around but this is horrible. So what happened, they found the rest of it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It slid out. The one thing is it's strange, now they're calling it a homicide. Where it's like what did you think before, that her vagina was so strong that it would just snip? Snip, snip!
MARCUS PARKS
No, it would be whether or not it was an accident. But that is-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whap, whap, whap!
MARCUS PARKS
No. But that's the whole thing is that it is now being ruled... For the longest time they're like is this an accident? Is this malpractice? Like how are we gonna charge? Like a crime has been committed here but what crime are we gonna charge them with? And the doctor has officially not, the death has been ruled a homicide.
ED LARSON
Well he's gonna get off then because obviously he didn't fucking cut this child's head off on purpose.
MARCUS PARKS
Involuntary manslaughter.
ED LARSON
Oh, involuntary manslaughter. That's an easier charge.
MARCUS PARKS
Much easier charge.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man.
ED LARSON
Yeah, I think so. He'll get off on the homicide.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But there's also so much cover up afterwards because like they took the corpse away and the couple's like hey, can I see the baby? Can I see the baby? And they're like no, you can't do that, that's not allowed. They're like I have never heard of that before. They're like yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't wanna do that. And so what they did is they said that they took the corpse away and they were sitting there in another room with a body and a head and they're staring at it like what the fuck are we gonna do?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nurse McGillicuddy, I need you to get me some glue and I am going to need tape. Maybe we can hold it together with some PVC pipe or some toothpicks.
ED LARSON
God, man. That must have been terrifying.
MARCUS PARKS
Well what they did eventually is they thought like okay, let's just wrap it up real tight in some blankets.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There is no bluff that's gonna cover this. There is no escapade that is going to make this work. The Disorderlies aren't gonna come in there, the Fat Boys can't fix this.
MARCUS PARKS
The Fat Boys aren't showing up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh! Whoa! Like they can't do that. They can't rap their way out of it.
MARCUS PARKS
No. No, they really can't. So what they did is they just wrapped it up tight enough where the head would stay in place. And they're like yeah, there's your baby, unfortunately it died. You need to cremate this baby as soon as possible.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
They kept pushing like cremation, cremation, cremation, don't do an autopsy, don't do an autopsy.
ED LARSON
Yeah. I would have been the same thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They literally jammed it in a blanket and balanced the head on the top of it and just cinched it up like it was a burrito.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
And so what, did sh unwrap it and find out what happened?
MARCUS PARKS
No, it says during this viewing their baby was wrapped tightly in a blanket with his head propped on top of his body in a manner such that those viewing him could not identify that he had been decapitated. Healthcare providers allegedly encouraged the mother and father to have their son cremated instead of being sent to a funeral home for burial. It was only on July 13th, several days after the delivery and the day after Ross left the hospital, that staff told them about the decapitation.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're gonna let it settle down for a second. Like we don't really need to rush into all this. Like we could sit and think about this. What is a decapitation anyway?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I mean it wasn't like it was the doctor's first delivery.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
ED LARSON
I mean this is like clearly, it's not a purpose.
MARCUS PARKS
No. It says Investigator Betty Honey and director of... Ooh, that's a great name. Betty Honey, yeah.
ED LARSON
Betty Honey, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Director of the medical examiner's office Brian Byers consulted with experts, including one OBGYN who had done more than 9000 deliveries. And they found that the death should not have happened.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh.
MARCUS PARKS
The death should not have happened. The hospital distanced itself-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
At what level did it should have happened? Who is gonna be like exactly as ordered, thank you very much. Does insurance cover baby decapitation?
MARCUS PARKS
Sometimes you can't help but decapitate a baby.
ED LARSON
So I'm trying to wrap this around my head, just like the nurses. Did he just pull so hard?
MARCUS PARKS
He pulled, yeah.
ED LARSON
That the head came off?
MARCUS PARKS
Fractured dislocation with complete transection, upper cervical spine and spinal cord, shoulder.
ED LARSON
Damn. It's like a Scorpion fatality.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the baby was caught in the vaginal canal, like the baby was caught, they were trying to pull it out and it really was like just... It just came off.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
ED LARSON
Damn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Does it really work like that? We gotta be careful with these heads!
ED LARSON
Was it alive?
MARCUS PARKS
Well yeah.
ED LARSON
It was alive.
MARCUS PARKS
It was alive, yeah.
ED LARSON
Damn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god! That's not...
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Patience.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Which is something that doctor doesn't have anymore.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, the hospital distanced itself from the doctor last year, saying she was not an employee and only used the facility as the parents' doctor.
ED LARSON
Wow. Oh my god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh so she was visiting, she was like a visiting practitioner coming in to handle the delivery.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then... Oh man, that's not good.
ED LARSON
It was a woman that did this?
MARCUS PARKS
It was a woman, yeah.
ED LARSON
I would have never guessed.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
In a million years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is it weird to say, is it fucked up to say it's kind of a relief? You know what I mean? Not another mark on men.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The arrogance of man! No, no, no. Don't put this on us.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We didn't have anything to do with this. I just didn't know that like, it feels like that scene from Dumb and Dumber with the parakeet's head.
MARCUS PARKS
The pretty bird?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Pretty bird.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Pretty bird!
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Pretty bird! Yeah. Oh man. God.
ED LARSON
I feel awful for everybody, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
There's no way that this woman did this on purpose.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel bad for the doctor. Yeah, I really do. Because the doctor did not know... Well at least now this serves as a gentle reminder to each doctor, heads just pop off sometimes.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you really need to be real careful with it. And that's why you gotta grab them by the arms because if you pop off the arms, that's not as bad.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
In my mind.
ED LARSON
You're right. You're right, not as bad.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
We both have no choice but to say you're right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why I'm here. Sometimes I make a little bit of sense.
MARCUS PARKS
All right, well let's go to a murder that involves some older people.
ED LARSON
Thank god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank god because in the end it's a little better when they're older because they've lived longer.
MARCUS PARKS
A 60 year old man in Indiana was arrested over the weekend for killing his girlfriend, allegedly stabbing the woman to death and then setting up the scene to make it appear as though he was acting in self-defense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This guy was bad at it though. He was real fucking bad.
MARCUS PARKS
He was so bad. Charles Michael Calvert was taken into custody on Saturday and charged with one count of murder in the fatal stabbing of Marcia Linsky. According to a probable cause affidavit attained by Law & Crime, officers with the Allen County Police Department at about 8: 24 pm on February 3rd responded to a 911 call about a stabbing at a residence. The caller identified himself as Calvert and allegedly stated that the victim had quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Come at me, come at me with a knife!"
MARCUS PARKS
It was not like that at all. He was very calm and very stoic about the whole thing. She'd come at me with a knife. Calvert kept saying she is no longer with us, over and over again. She's no longer no longer with us.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's no longer with us. Yeah, she took a train to dead town. She's just not here anymore. What was her is no longer of us anymore.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Calvert told dispatch he also had a knife and both knives were still located in the kitchen. He stated that we were having an argument, we were both holding a knife and she came at me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
In the 911 call-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
As soon as she turned around, it was (humming Beat It by Michael Jackson).
ED LARSON
Yeah. Our wrists were taped together.
MARCUS PARKS
During the 911 call, Calvert told the dispatcher that his girlfriend quote "became very verbal" with him several times.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very verbal. And I've talked with Natalie about being verbal. Because these people that you're with sometimes, they wanna talk.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then you're like you're being verbal with me right now and I need you to fucking back off. Okay?
ED LARSON
It's better than being gerbil.
MARCUS PARKS
Again, I have no choice but to agree with that statement.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
They also noted that he sounded very calm throughout the call and had no sense of urgency whatsoever. Upon arriving at the scene, first responders found Calvert outside the home and Linsky dead inside the home, she was lying face down with a big gash on her head and neck area. Investigators also noted that the victim's right thumb was severely cut to the point where it was nearly severed, which was indicative of course of a defensive wound. The kitchen appeared to be disheveled with a broken Crockpot, bloody kitchen knives, food items scattered all about. Calvert said that he had been dating the victim for about a year, said the victim got very aggressive. The entire argument Calvert said, the reason why she became very verbal, the reason why she freaked out-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Super verbal.
MARCUS PARKS
He was cutting onions and the victim stated he wasn't doing it correctly.
ED LARSON
I get it. I've worked in lots of kitchens and like you're wasting a bunch of the onion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's mise en place. Do you have any idea how expensive onions are?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thanks, Grandpa Joe. Oh Mr. Joe with his fucking spiking the onion market.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why I'm voting for a change in 2024.
ED LARSON
If you're gonna say that like you killed her in self-defense, you can't say you were both holding knives.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
You gotta say I wasn't holding a knife, I took her knife and I killed her with that knife.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I had to kill her with the knife.
MARCUS PARKS
It's the idea that I'm a little bit responsible but not all the way responsible.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Making yourself look a little bit guilty. It's like admitting to the lesser crime so you won't get charged with the bigger crime. Yeah. I beat him up but I didn't shoot him. That sort of thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You also see a lot of these where they try to throw out an immediate like I was defending myself, we were defending ourselves. It's always like the very classic, it was some kind of Asian! There's always somebody coming in and rushing in and killing everybody. And then like just lightly disheveling things and then leaving.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. They don't realize that you can't, for example, you can't neatly place the knives next to the victim.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And assume that everyone's like oh yeah, this was definitely a fight.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. Yep. Because then he was covered in blood. She wasn't. He obviously had washed himself. That was the one thing he came in. That's one of those things too. If you're gonna kill family members, don't answer the door to the cops with wet hair. You know what I mean? Don't show up smelling of PERT.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah, really good. Because it was very suspicious.
MARCUS PARKS
Well there's just so much that he didn't do. I mean authorities said there were no signs that Calvert attempted to render aid to Linsky after she was fatally wounded. Additionally, while there was an onion peel in the garbage, police said they did not observe a chopped up onion anywhere in the kitchen.
ED LARSON
Yeah, you gotta chop up that onion.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, you can't just say onions.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
If anything, they're gonna help you cry when the cops come.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wouldn't it would be amazing if that he chopped up the onion but despite his own best efforts, he cut it up perfectly. Because he would not allow himself to cut it up. So when he sees these perfectly diced onions in a pile, he's like there's no way, she would have blown me if she saw how incredible these onions were. There's no way she would kill me for this. And then had to throw it all out and be like the peel is enough. I think they get the story.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Show not tell.
MARCUS PARKS
And he did shower and change. He did shower and change after fatally stabbing her.
ED LARSON
Before the cops got there?
MARCUS PARKS
Before the cops got there.
ED LARSON
Did he at least call?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You don't want to be a mess.
ED LARSON
He's like listen, 911, I'll be in the shower.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If you show up-
MARCUS PARKS
Just come right in, yeah.
ED LARSON
Door's open.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll leave the door open. She's in the kitchen next to the onions.
ED LARSON
I just feel a little icky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Because honestly I don't like strangers coming to my home if I'm not clean.
ED LARSON
Yeah. There you go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I always shower.
ED LARSON
You're just like this guy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just like him.
MARCUS PARKS
And he put in these other weird details, I guess like setting up a defense maybe that she was planning to kill him. The defendant told the dispatcher quote "she parked her car outside of the garage. She never parks her car outside."
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's suspicious.
MARCUS PARKS
He also said she bought bleach today. She never buys bleach. In the year I've been with her, she's never bought bleach. So his idea, he's trying-
ED LARSON
Who knows that? I have no idea if Julie's ever bought bleach or not.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I've been with Carolina eight years. No idea. But if she showed up with bleach one day, I wouldn't think that's weird.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's trying to fucking kill me.
ED LARSON
It's funny, she never has a second cup of bleach in the morning.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's very strange. Because I don't look at Nat's stuff.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't look at the stuff that she comes in and out of the house with. Sephora bags come in and out. And again, she did tell me when she explained to me about Sephora is forcing her to do that. I'm still waiting for my small claims court process to come through because what they're doing to our household, it's tearing us apart.
MARCUS PARKS
What Sephora is doing to your household?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Forcing my wife to get these items. She told me, tears in her eyes, that Sephora has been forcing this on her.
ED LARSON
Hold on a second. Is she going to the Sephora on Ventura? Because if she is, that's fucked up. Because that used to be a great diner called Dupars. Man, they had wonderful fucking pancakes and they were open 24 hours a day and then they shut it down.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It wasn't good enough.
ED LARSON
They opened a Sephora in the middle of my favorite pancake house.
MARCUS PARKS
That's fucking horrible.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what you get. That's what happens. Sorry.
ED LARSON
The pancakes are going all over these B word's faces.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. It's called the carousel of progress, bro. All right? Pancakes were yesterday, now we're using pancakes to apply dry powders.
ED LARSON
Yeah, you tell her she orders online. I don't want her going to that store.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She does order online. I think she does.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. After the show, you gotta let me know what your new pancake house is.
ED LARSON
Oh they have another Dupars at the farmers market.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's so full of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
That's not a pancake house.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Well no, there is like a diner at the farmer's market.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh okay.
ED LARSON
They have great pies too.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is my thing. I'm gonna eat pancakes and pie before buying the clothes? Honestly that's actually a really good fun idea. So you could buy it at your most bloated.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That's a good idea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So you're not buying it skinny. Because I feel like that's a big problem with buying clothes sometimes is sometimes I'm buying the clothes when I'm feeling skinny and then you put them on and I'm like oh I'm actually fat now.
ED LARSON
Maybe you shouldn't be buying clothes at the farmers market.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Where the fuck did that come from? Where did you get-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What do you mean? It's a farmer's market. You're talking about at The Grove.
ED LARSON
It's next to The Grove, I just saw an opportunity to make fun of Henry.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, you pieces of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
See I didn't know because every farmer's market I've ever been to, they weren't selling clothes, they're selling pickles.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was one down the street.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sometimes you'll have like an old lady with her wares and she'll make like knit tops or something or she'll make like something no one wants.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And she's sitting there.
ED LARSON
She says the chili's in here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah, with an arrow pointing down.
MARCUS PARKS
All right. Next story. A woman has been arrested in connection with the deaths of two cyclists who she allegedly hit while driving under the influence Saturday afternoon.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
But she does have an excuse. This woman said she had medical issues including uncontrollable defecation which caused her to hit and kill cyclist brothers participating in a St. George race. Julie Ann Budge, 48, was arrested in 2022 after striking 48 year old Matthew Bullard and 49 year old Adam Bullard. Both men died of their injuries. After the incident, Budge told police she had various medical issues and had begun uncontrollably defecating herself without warning, causing her to swerve and hit the brothers.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What I love about reporting is that the first time this story was reported, it was just that she was under the influence. This was a horrible mistake, she hit these cyclists. It's not until after that the information from the trial is coming out, that it's all about her uncontrollable shitting. And I love that. Because you know that is from her defense.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's definitely from her defense, yeah. Because I mean that's now, like before it's like a tragic accident, two brothers kill while cycling. And now it's just every single headline, uncontrollable defecating, uncontrollable defecating.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Uncontrollable defecating.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Did she have shit in her pants?
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
ED LARSON
Great.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
But she also had fentanyl in her veins.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ah!
ED LARSON
Ah! That'll do it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep. That was the problem.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Old Budge making her fudge.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Some of this Budge's fudge is making me sleepy.
ED LARSON
I always said Budge's fudge would get her into trouble one day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I knew it would. Yeah, fresh from the oven. My ass. Thanks, lady. Now do you think like, because I don't know if she's gonna get away with this. I do think it is, and this is advice to our listeners, I've heard this from police, truly, that it's one of the only excuse that would get you out of a speeding ticket would be I massively have to shit.
ED LARSON
I've done it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the thing, everybody's done it.
ED LARSON
I did it in Tallahassee once. I was like follow me home and give me a ticket or I'm gonna shit my pants in from of you. And it worked.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Nice. Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it does. That's different. But killing a bunch of people and leaving the scene of the accident, I feel like at that point if you-
ED LARSON
Much different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's much different. And if you do do that and then you do have shit in your pants, then I think you stay at the scene of the accident and you just keep shitting. Because if you do that, then you can show everyone being like look, it keeps coming. It's like that Dr. Seuss book with the guy with the hats.
ED LARSON
Cat in the Hat?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you remember the guy, it's like a man with a million-
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, yeah, all the hats on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He had all the hats and the hats kept popping up on his head. But instead of that, it's fucking uncontrollable defecation.
MARCUS PARKS
Just going down, down each-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hop on plop.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Everyone knows you're not supposed to take fentanyl in the morning.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Does everyone know that?
ED LARSON
I mean not her but it just seems like crazy... Do drugs at night. You're not gonna kill cyclists.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What wine pairs with fentanyl? Let me look this up. Honestly after our last discussions, we've been talking about fentanyl quite a bit, it keeps coming up. We got into it on Side Stories this week too and apparently it's super, a lot of it comes from China.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And a lot of it was, I guess you're only supposed to use a little bit. You're supposed to use a little bit.
ED LARSON
To help you die.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they use it in pain medication and they use it in other stuff and there's like people... But apparently that's one of the reasons why they do put it in drugs is it's also highly, highly addictive.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And there's also apparently an attraction, like this is like one of those like fucked up things that's interesting is that sometimes I've heard, I've had a couple of people write in that talked about this like phenomena of somebody who is a hardcore addict, hardcore drug addict will actually hear that the drugs killed somebody from their dealer. And it's actually more attractive for them because then they know that it means that their dealer has really strong stuff. And that they get caught in sort of that feedback loop of looking to be as high as absolutely possible. And you just end up not waking up.
ED LARSON
It's like people who knowingly do krokodil.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. That just are looking to have that story, I guess. And one arm.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Man, there's some really intense shit going on in America right now with something that's very close to Krokodil.
ED LARSON
Really?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I'll look in, we'll talk about it more later.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a new drug?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's a new kind of drug. It's getting pretty fucking hairy. It's getting really hairy out there in America, people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What's it called?
ED LARSON
I blame Huey Lewis! He wanted a new drug and this is what happens.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You got it.
MARCUS PARKS
No, shit's getting real hairy out there for folks.
ED LARSON
Really?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
No new drugs!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
The drugs we have do the job. They work.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they do work. They've worked for many years.
ED LARSON
They've always worked.
MARCUS PARKS
But they're not that old, you know.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like the drugs that we have, relatively speaking, like methadone, heroin, not that old.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Opium is kind of old but like heroine, cocaine-
ED LARSON
Keith Richards is still alive!
MARCUS PARKS
Cocaine is super new.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What?
ED LARSON
Well it's from the 20s, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. As far as being in the western world, yeah, cocaine is pretty new.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, the new drug, apparently it's called tranq-dope.
MARCUS PARKS
Tranq-dope, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa, cool. Wow! Wow, cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I've seen interviews with a guy, he's like yeah, my arm is infected, it's gonna fall off. I'm not gonna stop.
ED LARSON
Damn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Just so matter of fact about it.
ED LARSON
God.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a hot new realness.
ED LARSON
I don't like anything that much.
MARCUS PARKS
You've never liked anything that much?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
Not even like Led Zeppelin or like...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude, if we don't take care of ourselves, you know it's one of those where meat will kill us. Our delicious love of-
ED LARSON
I've been laying off.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know.
ED LARSON
I just made the Al pastor joke earlier but I've been laying off the red meat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I swing back and forth, man. I'm trying to, man. Ups and downs, it's hard for me, I love that meat.
ED LARSON
More fish!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. We'll get to it eventually. Last story of the day, David C Shroitman is charged with first degree murder in the January 30th, 2024 stabbing death of Maryrose Fealey outside of her apartment in Somerville, New Jersey. He allegedly wrote a step by step plan to kill her, had a full manifesto, and fatally stabbed her 37 times.
ED LARSON
Damn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. This dude, it's also when you look at him, I think it's funny that he's, I mean that's not funny. But I think it's funny that he's from Jersey. And he looks like a Troma character.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he does.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like he looks like the nerd before he turns into the Toxic Avenger.
MARCUS PARKS
He does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And his name is David Shroitman. So you can tell that he's like doing this weird ass... He was obsessed with this girl from school and after high school, this is like one of those like that's gotta be obviously very creepy. Like somebody who's been obsessed with you for like 10 years from high school just showing back up in your life, who's just been like you have been the center of every thought that they've had for a decade. And you just like lived your life. And like if someone said do you remember David Shroitman? You're probably like yeah, I guess.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Meanwhile like he can draw your face from memory.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well several local media outlets obtained a probable cause arrest affidavit detailing the case. Investigators quickly identified Shroitman as a suspect. Cops went to talk to Shroitman on Friday but he declined to speak with them. Detectives reportedly noticed a white garbage bag over the front seat of his car along with a black gaiter and duct tape. What's a gaiter? G-A- I-T-E-R.
ED LARSON
A neck gaiter?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I think so, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I believe, isn't that what you do... Isn't that what you wear... Those are waders, I'm wrong.
ED LARSON
Yeah, no. A neck gaiter, that's like something you wear instead of a mask.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yeah, it's a neck thing and it goes up over your nose. Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a neck warmer.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
People were using them instead of masks during COVID, that's the only reason I remember.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The only thing is I can't find, I can't find the manifesto. I was looking for it last night.
MARCUS PARKS
They haven't released it yet. They haven't released the manifesto yet.
ED LARSON
It was all on post-it notes so they don't know the order.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well you know I love a manifesto. I love reading-
MARCUS PARKS
We all-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love a manifesto.
MARCUS PARKS
We all love a manifesto but I also have a feeling they're just using the word 'manifesto' without really understanding what manifesto means.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Because it's a step by step, it's a plan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Step by step. A plan is not a manifesto.
ED LARSON
No, yeah. It's a blueprint.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, a blueprint. A manifesto is if-
ED LARSON
Why I did it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, why. If there it was some sort of grand-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Scheme.
MARCUS PARKS
Scheme behind all that, there was some sort of grand like inspiration for doing this, some reason, then it would be a manifesto. This is just a plan.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That's how you know a nerd did it because he fucking wrote it all down first.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of these guys are-
ED LARSON
If it was a jock, the jocks do crimes of passion.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's very interesting. Obviously criminals are dumb, that's just kind of an inherent thing where like... Because you can't read anything about crime and see how often people get caught, all this stuff. But this happens like a lot. I read this story-
ED LARSON
Yeah, rational people don't kill people.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But there was a guy that killed his parents that we covered a little bit on Side Stories, same thing where he wrote this like step by step. You know when you write plans, like I don't like to write necessarily like to-do lists because sometimes it feels like I've already done everything. It feels like I wrote, I'll write a to-do list and I'm like and done! And then like I close the book and I never look at it again. Being like very good, that's good work, Henry. Then nothing gets done and then people are calling me and I'm missing shit, just kind of space my way through it. But these guys keep doing this shit where they write it all down and then obviously the plan goes awry because they never, it doesn't work like that. Murder is like this extremely... Eddie Kemper talked about this, bumblebutt talked about the idea that he thought that when he stabs somebody, they just go like blah and they'd be dead. You don't realize like no, it's actually like sometimes it takes a long time.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Strangling somebody takes 3-5 minutes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And if you say that in your head, that's not a lot of time. But if you ever just sat and squeezed a throat for five minutes? You gotta have strong hands.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You really gotta work on that.
MARCUS PARKS
He stabbed her 37 times.
ED LARSON
Damn.
MARCUS PARKS
And they always say that when you stab somebody, it's like oh they stabbed them so many times, it had to have been a crime of passion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But sometimes they just keep stabbing because it takes a long time for someone to bleed out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
It takes a long time for someone to die from stab wounds.
ED LARSON
Ugh, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Until you get above the 30 mark. And then it's gonna be pretty quick.
ED LARSON
So Jersey, they don't have the death penalty. But if they just put him back on the streets, Jersey would take care of him though.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then it just depends because yeah, because Dustin Shroitman, he doesn't look like he's got a lot of friends.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
ED LARSON
No, he's got no friends. That's why he fucking, not why he did this, but part of the reason.
MARCUS PARKS
David Shroitman. No, David Shroitman, he's gonna be going away for a long time.
ED LARSON
Good.
MARCUS PARKS
But that's the thing is that we talk about, like they say, the adage is like criminals are stupid. But I think the more apt way to put it would be that the criminals who get caught are stupid.
ED LARSON
Yeah. That's a good point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I feel it's just those that don't get caught are in Congress.
ED LARSON
Hey, there we go. He's up and moving.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck yeah! Fuck yes!
MARCUS PARKS
He's humping the air, he's having a good time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But no, I find that criminals more often than not will end up shooting themselves in the foot.
MARCUS PARKS
Most of the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's just what they end up doing because you have a lack of... You obviously already have some form of lack of impulse control. Unless you are an extremely patient criminal.
MARCUS PARKS
Well unless you're Richard Kuklinski.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Or you're somebody like you, you got somebody like BTK.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Super patient, evil villain. But I still find that they're very rare.
MARCUS PARKS
They are.
ED LARSON
Of course. You just listed the two names that I know that do that shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Those ones. Dick Cheney. Like literally very patient, extremely capable villain.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, very patient.
ED LARSON
So patient he's still alive.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Still alive!
MARCUS PARKS
I feel like his plan isn't done yet.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, he's still got a couple hearts in the freezer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, like what does he have to do that's next?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know.
ED LARSON
Ugh, man. Not that it's a contest but this guy's the worst one today, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I'd say.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well it's between... Yeah, I'd say.
ED LARSON
The old man, at least it was like a crime of passion.
MARCUS PARKS
There is the doctor that pulled the head off of the baby and then tried to cover it up.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That I just, the covering up-
ED LARSON
That was an accident.
MARCUS PARKS
That was an accident, yes.
ED LARSON
That's how I feel about that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, this was premeditated.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And what would you do?
ED LARSON
Oh if I tore the head off a baby? I'd try to hide it immediately.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Same thing. I would do the same. There's no way. I would literally go like wah, wah, wah. Being like oh it's crazy and then go back out there and be like you wouldn't believe, that baby tried to attack a police officer. Like I would be coming up with, I would be spinning tales and just flop sweat. I would just run away.
ED LARSON
A ninja came into the hospital waving its katana.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You don't know. And your baby, in a sheer moment of panic, your baby jumped in front of me to save me.
ED LARSON
Give it a medal!
MARCUS PARKS
Give it a medal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This baby's a hero.
MARCUS PARKS
Put it in for the Purple Heart.
ED LARSON
Do they give Purple Hearts here?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god, it's heart is purple. Yeah, Eddie. Yeah, we're on the same page. Yeah. Wow. God, everybody;s horrible, huh?
MARCUS PARKS
Yep.
ED LARSON
Yeah, especially us.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Well next week we're going to be getting to one of the most horrible men to ever live.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
At least in the 20th century. Well let's say one of the most horrible men in the latter quarter of the 20th century.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Because he had a lot of competition in the 30s and 40s.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He did. He really did.
MARCUS PARKS
But I'd say yeah, he's bad for the last quarter.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So we're gonna get into one of the heaviest of heavy hitters. And we're gonna be doing that next week, starting a long, deep, long, deep series.
ED LARSON
Nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's going back, we're putting a lot of history into it as well.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So just understand it's called context and you're gonna learn and you're gonna like it along with your murder. All right?
MARCUS PARKS
Well there's also gonna be murder in the historical context.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot of it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's gonna be a lot of blood in the next couple-
MARCUS PARKS
Bottles.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of blood, a lot of blood. And then we're getting into, we kind of teased it but we'll talk a little bit about what's going behind the scenes of our government as well.
MARCUS PARKS
Do their eyes blink up and down or side to side?
ED LARSON
Oh. You never know these days.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But we have a fuckton of material plan for the rest of this year. So thank you guys as always for being in your fucking home or your car right now and not out fucking... I don't know what they would be doing not listening to our show.
MARCUS PARKS
Listening to music.
ED LARSON
Yeah, music's great.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I love music.
ED LARSON
Not to like plug anything that's not ours but-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Listen to the show.
MARCUS PARKS
But have you guys thought about music?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no.
ED LARSON
Yeah, it's good. Boygenius was wonderful.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I like boygenius.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Last Podcast on the Left. That's the show. That's what you need to be listening to.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Or Side Stories or No Dogs in Space. Or Page 7 or Wizard and the Bruiser. Brighter Side is your show.
ED LARSON
Thank you, the Brighter Side, yes. We're also on the network.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fraudsters.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
SPUN. Yes. All of these shows.
ED LARSON
LPN TV.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Go to the YouTube channel.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Twitch.tv. There's a lot of stuff being made. There's a lot of stuff. We got a YouTube strike this week so we can't put up our new fucking videos.
ED LARSON
Really?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because there was a fucking YouTube strike, yes. Because of the video that you showed that we clipped, it was great, but it was the video of the guy snapping his leg on the skateboard.
ED LARSON
I didn't show it.
MARCUS PARKS
No, you didn't. No, that was Kelsie.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're gonna have a long talk. But no, no, I loved it. We loved the video. Apparently it's against YouTube's-
ED LARSON
I can't believe, it was an accident! I can't believe that was what got us in trouble.
MARCUS PARKS
I know, it did. After all the-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I have no idea.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's not the only thing we've gotten in trouble for but it's-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well I got in trouble for the ball though.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I gotta kick this up-
ED LARSON
How many strikes can you get on YouTube?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think three.
ED LARSON
What are you talking about? Then we got one for the... Can we contest it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
We'll be fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's coming from fucking, it's somebody else, man. The AI is doing this to us, dog.
ED LARSON
Yeah. All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. If you want more good music to listen to, Gezebelle Gaburgably.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
They're really good.
ED LARSON
Gezebelle Gaburgably?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That's real?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's real. Yeah.
ED LARSON
All right. I'll check it out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I've been listening to Miles Davis.
ED LARSON
Thank you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you should be listening to Last Podcast on the Left. Again, why are we doing this? Fuck music, man. All right? Fucking edutainment.
ED LARSON
Yeah, man. Music isn't even real. It's all in your fucking head,
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, dude, it's made up. It's just noises. Music is just noises and I don't wanna cry. All right? I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of fucking feeling things. All right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what's nice.
MARCUS PARKS
Their new album Gaburger is very good.
ED LARSON
Gaburger?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Gaburger, came out last year. Pretty solid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're making shit up. You're literally just making up names of bands. That's not real. All right, fuckers. Hail sweet Satan.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Hail Perrier, I guess. I don't know. Soda water. Hail soda water.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, actually I think that they're bought by Nestle, so we don't wanna-
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, that's right. Fuck Perrier.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, we gotta stop. We gotta find something different.
ED LARSON
Yeah and I'm sick of this shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Nestle is evil.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they are.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We need to make our own water.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I didn't know it was Nestle. So now we gotta find some new shit.
ED LARSON
So much of everything is Nestle.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep, yes.
ED LARSON
Arrowhead, fucking all this shit. It's all Nestle. Poland Spring's Nestle.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep, it's all Nestle.
ED LARSON
These motherfuckers. Fuck Nestle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Edutainment. You wouldn't have learned that from Gaburger. You don't learn that.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh and Hail Gein, everybody. Have a good weekend.
ED LARSON
Bye!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We'll see you next week!
MARCUS PARKS
Goodbye!